Fans of the talentless ‘Porn-rapper’ Cardi B were disappointed to hear that their favorite triple-X superstar is canceling her “I Drank a Complete Stranger’s Load” World Tour for a “lack of new songs”.
Apparently Cardi B’s record company has witnessed “waning interest” and even “boredom” among her demographic; middle-school girls, when gauging their enthusiasm for songs primarily dedicated to detailed descriptions of how perfect-stranger’s penises feel, when they ejaculate into her mouth, her vagina or anus one-after-another on a dance-floor, or in church.
The label also lamented her fan’s concomitant development of a taste for actual music instead of talentless, rapped pornography.
The announcement of the tour cancellation came just in time, as her accountants were just about to start burning excess money on large outdoor bonfires because she had made so much money simply by being the first female rapper over 200 pounds to simply describe pornography in order to write songs.
When asked for comment, Cardi B said: “Oh hehhhhhh no. Fuck ALL y’all, y’all! Suck my phat azz. I’ll jus’ lose tebbinny pound an’ do sa’ REAH pone. Yaw go eat a bag uh’ dicks.”
Then, she laid down on a pallet of collapsed boxes going for recycling, (a classy hookup) and let a perfect stranger ejaculate into her vagina, and then she wrote a song about how proud she was of that, whooped once, and punched the air a few times and climbed up into a tree with a banana, without remembering being told moments before that she had pretty much ‘run that well dry’ and that people were kind of hoping for actual lyrics and an identifiable, talented melody.